Dividing Lines

Things happen when a bunch of us homeschoolers congregate at TeenPact state class. Mostly stuff that is super rad and mad fly.

Specifically:

1. Flash mobs (as was previously mentioned)
2. Impromptu debate sessions
3. Politeness
4. Handshaking
5. Getting stuff accomplished (like literally establishing new countries)

But then there are some things that happen that are not so awesome. For example, the totally incomprehensible segregation that happens when all the girls go first to eat and everyone kind of just settles into a stasis of gender separation.

This is not very fun, you guys. I mean it is your choice where you sit and everything but people didn’t go on hunger strikes decades ago for you to be able to exercise your segregation free-will. MINGLE GOSH DANGIT.

I could also mention that it’s not super great when you’re forced to go first instead of being able to chill in the back of the line with your hombres and bro-dawgs.

Another thing that isn’t super great is the use of the word “Division” as it applies in parli-pro.

Apparently this is a fun word to say. People love to say it, scream it, recite poetry about it. Listening to the last legislative session at TeenPact is like eavesdropping at a convention for mathletes with an odd obsession with elementary mathematics, everyone shouting division followed by lots of counting and recounting. One time a kid got confused and actually shouted “multiplication” which literally caused a two minute government shut down.*

Anyways, it is fun to say, but there’s something that people don’t realize about this word. As with many things that seem like a great idea but aren’t, such as eating too much Nutella and getting a neck tattoo, there is a price to be paid. The second this word leaves your mouth it is coupled with the sinking feeling of instant regret and a tarnished reputation among your peers. Never mind that we all love the power trip it gives us. We’ve all said it. We’ve all triumphed in the ability to make an entire room groan with irritation. But this word can only lead you down a path of desolation.

*casually exits pinterest tattoo board*

If moving the previous question was Jesus, division would kind of be Satan in the sense that it likes to steal, kill, and destroy.

Division is like that robot from the future that was programmed to come back in time and destroy all happiness. Really though, we should probably vote again on whether or not we should vote to vote to vote. I don’t think everyone had enough time to reflect on all the bad choices they made in their lives to deserve this the first few thousand times division was called.

So now that I’m finished with that tirade…

…Gonna go load up on some Nutella sandwiches.

*This actually did not happen but we all wish it had.

The Creation of Image, Item One: Clothes

As can be expected from organizations such as TeenPact, there is always a certain demographic that is appealed to. Of course, this demographic is largely* teens of the homeschooled variety.

Now there are homeschoolers, and there are TeenPact homeschoolers.

TeenPact homeschoolers are of a different order. These kids constitute the crème de la crème, the future leaders, the hippest hipsters, the mouth breathers of a generation.

But of all the subgroups and sub-subgroups within the middle class republican labyrinth that is TeenPact, the first timers are the ones that can hardly ever escape the eye of the older/more experienced students.

There’s something about a novice TeenPacter that stands out, both in appearance and behavior. Whether it be the floor length broom skirts, the clip on tie or the omnipresent hand-me-down business cut blazer, there are a hundred and ten ways to identify a first timer.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being new. TeenPact thrives on new kids, but we just want to make sure that you get as much out of this class as possible, and there’s no way of doing that when you’re worried about your image.

Of course, you hear all the time that how you dress/look is not as important as what is on the inside of a person. While I concur that, say, arteries and organs and thyroid glands are all extremely important, in this case you can just check that belief in to the staff along with your iPod and iPod accessories.

Dress code at TeenPact is very important, and considering all the Chick-fil-A you are destined to consume on the daily, how you dress rises a little higher on the importance scale. Meanwhile your insides are crying out for probiotics and decent gut flora.

Here are the basics of dress code. First of all, Homeschoolers are inherently hipster; we already totally rock the hand-me-down chic, retro-esque, goodwill couture.

Usually, you can probably just root through your parents’ closet and find the perfect TPA** outfit to try to re-purpose each day with different ties/scarves/shoes/blouses.

I’ll make it really simple for any guys that are reading this, because let’s be honest, guys, no one even notices if you wear the same suit every single day.*** All you really need to do to is change up your shirt, pocket kerchief, and tie combo each morning and you’re good to go.

Oh no! you say? You can’t find any TPA clothes? Nay, none of your clothes fit the look you’re going for?

Not to worry, just ask mom or dad to go shopping for you.

Trust me, oldest siblings, by the time one or ten of your baby siblings enroll in TeenPact, all of your newly purchased (and parent approved) TPA attire will have aged well enough to be fashionable again. At this point you’ll either be staffing or an intern, and you’ll be able to really shell out the cash for the poshest most well tailored TPA suit or dress on the market. Either way, you end up looking like a million bucks, even if you only spent a few hundred!

Thus is the circuitous nature of the fashion train at TeenPact, that or the train just never leaves the station… but I digress.

In short, the clothes make the man. You want to fit in and have fun, you want to feel just enough inhibition to quote that slightly non-TPA meme or bring up your favorite British TV shows without getting reprimanded by someone bringing up the media policy.****

Social interaction for us homeschoolers can be a dangerous game and hopefully this has helped steer you toward your evolution towards creation of the right outfit that will give you an added edge as a first time student.

*Largely meaning almost entirely.

** As we have learned from this lovely little gem: http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/11/17/a-man-wore-the-same-suit-on-tv-almost-every-day-for-a-year-nobody-cared/

***TeenPact Appropriate

****But I swear to Tim Echols, if you quote Misfits you’re flushed.